Jul 11 Written by:aajoanne
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thanks to rescuebook for contributing her hilarious lists with us!
Experts have once again published a list of the top ten reasons why people should own pets. Obviously, none of these experts have pets of their own.
Here’s the REAL story on the experts’ top ten reasons to own a pet:
10. The experts say that pets will teach kids about selflessness, discipline and responsibility. Not true. Owning a dog will teach an intelligent child how easy it is to be outwitted by a ten-week-old puppy. It will teach them that they must go over their clothes with packing tape before they leave the house. And pets will teach children exactly where they sit in the household’s pecking order.
9. The experts go on to say that pets can increase your sense of security — personal, private, and psychological. They have never met my dog. Entire townships of people could sneak through my house in the dead of night and my dog wouldn’t wake up. She will, however, bark at the vacuum cleaner, just in case I hadn’t noticed that it was following me.
8. Pet owners experience priceless personal growth, say the experts. This one may be true. I have learned to share. I’ve learned to share my disposable income, my spot on the couch, my sandwich, and the exact square foot of carpeting I happen to be standing on at any given moment.
7. Then the experts go on to relate that exercise is another great side effect of owning an active pet. I think they were talking about walking or running outdoors. I’m talking about stepping over dogs who sleep in high-traffic areas, scrubbing vomit out of the carpet, and lugging a 50-pound Basset Hound up a set of stairs after she has put herself into “Park”.
6. Pets do, the experts continue, prepare people for parenthood and provide them with some sort of commentary on their parenting skills. Their reasoning is that if your goldfish float upside down near the top of the aquarium, you shouldn’t plan on having a child quite yet. I say go for it. The sooner you learn about sulking, stealing, being awakened during the night, and how various bodily functions contribute to the atmosphere in your car, the better off you are.
5. Pets provide constant companionship. Very true. Some cats need to supervise your bathroom trips while dogs like to observe you having sex. Aquarium fish watch you out of their watery habitat as if you are a television.
4. Owning a pet is a great way to meet people. Wait until your three-month-old Yorkshire Terrier puppy attempts to savage a pit bull. There’s a great conversation-starter.
3. The experts also agree that pets provide unconditional love. This is where this “expert” business gets a bit shaky. Sure, cats provide unconditional love…as long as you run your entire household around fulfilling their every whim. There are more people on Earth who have been cold-shouldered by a cat than there are experts who publish silly stuff on the Internet. No, I don’t have any statistics — my dog ate them.
2. Experts say that becoming involved with a pet helps people learn to take a stand on a humanitarian cause. Go ahead, try it. In one week, you’ll be thinking about emancipating those who can’t leave the house without tricking their dogs into thinking they’re still at home.
1. Pets are a prescription for good health, the experts say, because they can ease stress. This is how real people know that the experts are full of horse pucky. Has your dog ever started barking savagely in the middle of the night? How was your heart after that? Has your cat ever hacked up a hairball in the middle of your brand-new broadloom? Or decided to hunt down and kill elderly Auntie Gertie? How was your stress level after that?
The real reason we own pets? Because we’d die of boredom if we didn’t.
(For more silly pet humor, check out Shelly's hilarious book "The Dog Who Looked At Heaven". Ordering info at www.TheDogWhoLookedAtHeaven.com or contact Shelly at shelly@islewrite.ca.”)
Tags: 9 comments so far...
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
That was really cute!
By brianmom on
Friday, July 11, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
Really enjoyed this article, life would be boring without our fur babies. My fur baby makes us laugh all the time with his antics & his intelligence!
By catmujer on
Friday, July 11, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
sooo cute!! Thanks for sharing!
By love_my_pets on
Friday, July 11, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
Great article. Pets have a way of making us smile no matter what the situation is (at least mine does).
By animalsequallove on
Friday, July 11, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
Love it!!
By cacky on
Friday, July 11, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
Because they are great companions and they love you unconditionally
By Betsy on
Thursday, July 17, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
How funny. They made me laugh almost as much as my little darlings do. My babies make me smile through the hardest of times. I don't know what I would do without them. Except a lot less vacuuming. But they are worth it.
By catwalker on
Saturday, July 19, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
that was GREAT ..and sooo true
By redrubyrose on
Sunday, July 20, 2008
|
Re: Top Ten Reasons To Own A Pet
oh yes!!!
By abagail on
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
|